Surrounded by people in some alley, can’t figure out where I am but I see people in groups chatting and laughing away with drinks in their hand. It seems to be a night of debauchery. I am walking around with a drink in my hand mixing with the different group of people listening to them talk about music, people and crazy incidents of their lives. It seems repetitive to me after a certain point and I start feeling breathless. The need to move away yet unable to find my way out. There’s no exit sign, I stand in the middle of the crowd. Some walking past looking at me like I’m alienated. My expression seems to have changed from a smile to a state of panic. My heart pumps faster each time I breath and I see myself fading out.
Moments later there’s complete silent. As i open my eyes, I’m safe and cuddled up in my duvet. Relieved it was a dream. However that left questions in my mind. What was this about? I was in FEAR. What was being communicated to me? Something in my waking life that i have been avoiding for a very long time?
I wasn’t able to express myself for a very long time, it happens with most of us as we are growing up and our surrounding moulds our personality in our early years as we grow older. From someone who wasn’t able to express herself from a young age, that is how i spent my 20’s. It wasn’t until i stepped into my 30’s that i got more involved with spirituality. i had an opportunity to spend time with myself for the first time travelling on my own and that is when it all started. My perspective of life started changing. All the social conditioning started to fade away. It did not happen overnight, it has taken me a few years to finally be in a space where I am at peace and in love with myself. Grateful and humbled by the experiences of those years. When I finally spoke, I was the only one fending for what I believe was right. That dark phase of life where everything comes to a standstill and one may not see a solution out, that is the moment of truth where you have self-realization. This is when you have no choice but to deal with what is happening within and around you. You start re-evaluating all the experiences, which can be the past or present moment.
I was grateful that yoga was already part of my life and that kept me grounded, there was an upheavel of emotions but I was able to react with awareness. For some who may not have that option, they start seeking for answers, We have a choice we can make for ourselves , it can be a vicious or a virtuous cycle. We either fight through and face our inner demons for a short period of time and come out more evolved or we suffer all our life without helping ourselves, at this point there is no one to blame but oneself.
As we pass through this process of evolvement, we see the light at the end of the tunnel. The more you improve yourself and raise your vibration, the more you will see things that are beneficial for you.
